When To Say "NO" This Holiday Season

Ahhh the holiday season. We all love it, right? It’s my favorite time of year for many reasons, but if I’m honest it can also be the most stressful on my heart.

While this time is full of magic and memories, it can drain our finances, emotional energy, and physical bandwidth. We enter the season with a cup overflowing with excitement but by the time January rolls around, we feel completely spent.

Do you relate?

Well friend, today I’m bringing glad tidings of great joy! After years of leaving the holidays with an empty cup, I realized I had to start honoring myself and what I can practically (and joyfully) take on during this time of the year.

My favorite word during the holiday season? NO. Maybe it’s time to infuse a little more NO into your holidays as well. Stick with me here! I realize that’s a difficult one for all of us, so take a deep breath. I would never invite you to do something I haven’t personally tested myself.

I’m going to walk you through how and when I say no to things during the holidays as we work together to ensure your cup is filled to the brim all season.

Are you ready? Let’s do this. Here’s when you can (and should) say NO this holiday season…

1. When you feel obligated.

We all experience that feeling of obligation around the holidays. Maybe it’s a family tradition or some kind of travel. It could be a gift exchange or supplying the giant turkey. When I feel that tug of “I have to” vs. “I’m excited to”, I stop and check my motive for saying yes.

Am I saying yes because I’m fully invested and excited? Or am I saying yes because I fear repercussions of some kind. (ie: loss of relationship, judgment, etc.)

This season should focus you in on your best YES and I’ve found that putting a 24-hour rule on my responses helps. By taking a full day to consider that invitation or request, I don’t make commitments out of obligation. I make them thoughtfully and mindfully. It also gives you more time to formulate positive responses instead of shooting back a stress-induced text.

That being said, if you do decide to say no to something this season, do your best to communicate early and avoid canceling last minute. Yes, things come up and sometimes you do need to say no at the final hour. But I’ve recently shifted how I feel about canceling plans because I’ve seen how the last-minute cancel can negatively impact my relationships.

This is why the 24-hour rule is so important! It allows you to really consider and ensures those last minute changes don’t happen often. Basically, do your best to find the balance between taking care of yourself but also being true to your word. It’s all about communication!

2. When boundaries are crossed.

Saying no to things is actually a radical form of self-care, especially when boundaries aren’t being honored. If you’ve been clear with family, friends, or even work about your capacity and they aren’t respecting that information, then you need to say no for your own mental well-being.

This can get especially tricky with family. That’s why it’s important to get a little more self-aware this time of year because it’s so easy to slip into old patterns when family is involved.

Potential boundaries could include a time limit for a family event. It may mean you say no to creating the expensive charcuterie board and instead offer to make apple cider. Maybe it’s a fresh cut-off time for work meetings or delegating last-minute tasks.

My suggestion is to workshop a list of gentle responses. Make a list on your phone of kind ways you can say no and schedule those hard conversations early. The sooner your rip off that bandaid and fully communicate those boundaries, the sooner you can start enjoying this magical season.

3. When you just don’t want to go.

Friend, let me free you up today. If you don’t want to go, you don’t have to go. Period. And guess what? You also don’t have to give a reason. You’re fully within your right to simply say, “No thank you”, to a request.

Listen to your body. If you receive an invite and your body reacts negatively, say no. This is when that gentle response list really comes in handy! This is also when the 24-hour rule really helps you create a kind reply.

If the thought of this is making you cringe like it’s making me cringe, there’s one last tip I have for you! Ask yourself, can I say no in another way? For example, instead of cooking that full turkey, maybe you’re in charge of ice this year. Maybe you don’t participate in the gift exchange, but you do bake Christmas cookies for the team. Get creative and know that there are so many other ways to honor and love your people!

25 Polite ways to say “No” (as you’re learning to use it as a full sentence):

Pro-tip: Copy and paste these into a note on your phone. If you struggle saying no (especially in the moment or in person) remember the 24-hour yes rule we talked about above, and say “let me think about it and get back to you”.

Thank you so much for thinking of me, but I won’t be able to make it.
I'm honored, but I’m going to have to bow out this time.
I wish there were two of me... but I won’t be able to be there.
This season isn’t a great time for me. Can we reconnect in January?
Can we get together after the holidays instead?
I’m unable to attend. I hope it’s a blast though. Can’t wait to hear all about it!
No, thank you—but it sounds lovely.
I appreciate the invitation, but I am completely booked.
Unfortunately, I’ve committed to something else already.
I wish I were able to. I hope y’all have fun!
I wish I could make it work, but I won’t be able to squeeze it in with my current workload.
I won’t be able to make it. Thank you for the invitation though!
Bummer! I have something else I’ve already committed to.
I won’t be able to make it. I just know in my heart it’s going to be amazing though.
Oh, man! I would have loved that, but I’m going to have to pass.
I can’t right now, but maybe next time!
I won’t be able to. Is there a different way that I can get involved?
I’m flattered you considered me, but unfortunately, I’ll have to pass this time.
I’m honored you thought of me, but I don’t feel like I’m the right person for that.
I’d love to, but I just don’t have the bandwidth to commit to anything else right now.
I appreciate the offer, but I can’t.
You’re so kind to think of me, but I can’t.
Thanks for the offer, but I can’t.
Unfortunately, I can’t.
No.

Final Thoughts & Journaling Prompts…

Listen, only you know your bandwidth of what you can pour out. The holidays can feel full of expectations, but you know how to fill your cup, you know what you need, and what you can do without this season. So walk forward with confidence and embrace the release that comes with a loving “no.” This could start a beautiful chain reaction as others will be encouraged to also take care of themselves.

You pour out so much during the holidays, so give yourself permission to cancel, pause, and breathe. Let’s get into some journaling prompts to help you prepare…

As you journal this week, here are a few questions to consider:

What fills my cup during the holiday season?
What drains me?
When I think about saying “no”, it makes me feel…
Does that feeling need to be reframed? Write a new statement that reflects how you want to feel about saying no."
Do you already know some things you’d like to say no to this season? Write a list.
Who do you need to speak to this week to start those boundary conversations?
Write a list of gentle “no thank you” responses.
What does your BEST YES holiday look like? Feel like? Dream for yourself!